


Reylo: An R-Rated Love Story

by BethHalperin



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Loves Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Cunnilingus, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Erotica, F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, Oral Sex, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Loves Ben Solo, Romantic Soulmates, Sex, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:12:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27977892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BethHalperin/pseuds/BethHalperin
Summary: What if Ben Solo didn't die at the end of The Rise of Skywalker? What if Rey woke in Ben's arms to find him staring at her with awe and longing?
Relationships: Finn & Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey/Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 49





	1. Alive

When Rey woke in the large deserted cavern, she was aware of two things: the sensation of being held by strong arms, and a warm pressure on her abdomen feeding strength into her body. Unsure if she was delirious or dreaming, Rey covered the source of the pressure with her hand and felt a solid shape beneath hers. It was a large and well-formed hand, covered with scars and wet with blood. She opened her eyes to find Ben looking down at her with concern and something unnamable. The twisting and snapping threads of red and black energy that had always connected the two of them were gone now. In their place was a soft golden flow pulsing between them and she knew she didn’t have to fight him anymore. She smiled and whispered his name, "Ben," acutely aware of the feel of his hand on her stomach and the other cradling her head. She stroked his cheek with her fingers while he scanned her face and body for any sign of pain or injury. His eyes still held all of the intensity they always did whenever he looked at her, but there was a softness there too. She sensed no desire in him to dominate or subsume her, forcing her to give up who she was and what she believed in. It was as if he was saying wordlessly, _I'm yours, if you’ll have me_.

Rey sat up and brought her mouth to his, kissing him chastely but firmly. Ben was momentarily stunned, but his hand cupped her neck to hold her in place. When they broke apart, she looked into his beautiful dark eyes and smiled again, surprised at her own boldness. She touched her lips which tingled from their first brief contact with his. His face broke into a shy smile – another first – and her breath caught in her throat. _There he is_ , she thought. _At last_. As she continued to watch his face, she saw his eyes flutter close and felt his body shake and drop towards the ground. She caught him in her arms and gently laid him on the dirt floor. She watched his body shimmer and become translucent. Without thinking, she threw herself on top of him, willing her energy into him to heal him just as he had healed her moments ago.

Voices and whispers surrounded Rey and Ben as they lay together half-alive. The voices moaned and complained that they couldn’t save both. Though they'd struggled and fought so long and so hard against unimaginably powerful forces, ultimately their battle had exacted this terrible price. They couldn’t survive together. "No," the voices determined. "Truly regrettable that it is not possible. Simply impossible," they agreed and resigned themselves to watching Ben and Rey die.

Then, a single voice cried out of the mournful din, "Let me!" Its corporeal life hadn’t completely blinked out of existence yet and its life force still flickered. "Let me," it said. "I’m ready." The invisible chorus increased in volume as they sang their consent. Then complete silence fell while they waited to learn the fate of the couple. Two of a kind, a matched pair, very young, very powerful, very vulnerable. Far away, in different places, celebrations were already underway while others mourned over incalculable loss. Some, who knew and loved Rey, wondered and worried. But she and Ben remained alone in the vast dark cave.

***

Sometime later, Ben regained consciousness to find himself lying beneath Rey. She was breathing slowly and regularly. He moved his hand to Rey’s face and gently stroked the soft skin of her cheek. It was still wet with blood which made him wince. He knew what she had just done for him and that she needed to recover. He didn’t want her to wake in this place again – he would not allow the remnants of so much evil to disturb her rest. Ben carefully rolled Rey’s body off of his and then scooped her into his arms, standing slowly so as not to jar her. He carried her the long distance to his ship. He believed he would be tired and weakened, but felt surprisingly strong. Once he had Rey seated and secured, Ben punched in the coordinates for a place he hadn’t visited since he was a child. It was the last place he remembered feeling happy and it seemed fitting that he would return there with Rey, the sole reason for his happiness now.


	2. A Beautiful New World

Rey opened her eyes to find herself in an unfamiliar meadow under the shade of a large tree, her head cradled in Ben’s lap as he combed his fingers through her hair and hummed softly. The air was warm and though the small red sun was high in the sky, the light was a soft dusky pink. There were strange flowers interspersed amongst the soft yellow grass and Rey felt completely at peace.

“Are you singing to me?” she asked. “Are we dead?”

“Yes,” he answered. “And no, I don’t think so.” He lowered his head to kiss the tip of her nose and whispered, “You saved me again.”

She laughed and touched his face. “You saved me. Again. I guess we’re even.”

He smiled down at her and she breathed in deeply. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing that.”

“What?” he asked.

“You smiling at me,” she responded.

“Singing. Smiling. I wonder what’s happening to me,” Ben mused.

“What’s happening to us?” she said. “And where are we?”

“We’re in a place my parents used to bring me on holiday when I was a child, before I started my training. It’s almost completely uninhabited. I used to climb this tree,” he said, looking up at the multitude of branches covered in what appeared to be large purple puffs of cotton. “I thought we could rest here for a while. Unless you need to get back to the others…” he broke off uncertainly.

“No,” she reassured him. “It’s lovely here. I want to stay. With you.”

“You do?” he responded, the hope and doubt in his voice piercing whatever armor Rey had left against him.

“Yes. I told you I wanted to be with _you,_ Ben. Not Kylo Ren," Rey explained. "And now you’re here.”

“Only because of you,” he said, staring into her eyes.

“That’s not true,” she corrected. “You were always here. You just needed to believe it too.” Rey sat up and began brushing dirt and dried blood off of her clothing, hands and face. “I am utterly filthy.”

“So am I,” he said. “Bathing wasn’t a priority these last few days.” Ben stood and offered Rey his hand. “Come, let me show you something.”

Rey took Ben’s hand and let him pull her up. Hand clasped, they walked together a short distance across the meadow and into a green forest. The trees here were also foreign, but graceful and pleasingly shaped with fragrant wood and blossoms. They soon came to a small clearing where they found a round pool of crystal clear blue green water encircled by a tiny beach with powdery black sand. The pool was shallow enough to see the rock-covered bottom and deep enough to swim in.

“Oh,” Rey said with wide eyes. “It’s perfect.”

Ben dropped her hand and looked at her shyly. “You can wash first. I’ll go so you can have some privacy.”

“That’s not necessary,” Rey said, blushing. “Just turn around for a minute.”

Ben complied and Rey stripped naked, leaving her torn and bloody clothes in a pile on the sand. She entered the pool and lowered herself into the cool water until she was fully submerged. Then she stood up and started rinsing her hair and scrubbing her face and body. Once she felt sufficiently clean, she swam out to the middle of the pool and tread water.

“You can turn around now,” Rey said to Ben. He pivoted to look at her, her light brown hair loose and falling past her shoulders with the rest of her body submerged and partially concealed by the water. Ben stood motionless for some time, mesmerized by the sight of Rey and unsure of what to do. “Are you going wash or not?” she asked playfully, feeling bolder now that she was cleaner and mostly underwater.

“Ok,” he said. “But you have to turn around first.”

When her back was to him, Ben took off his clothes and lay them in a pile next to hers. Then he jumped into the water right near Rey, intentionally drenching her with the huge splash he made.

“Hey!” she shouted. “An ambush!”

She laughed and turned to face Ben, using both arms to splash him while keeping afloat with her legs. Because he was taller, Ben’s feet reached the bottom of the pond which gave him the leverage to splash Rey more effectively. Undeterred, Rey sank until her feet hit bottom and then launched herself out of the water, revealing her bare breasts. Ben was momentarily stunned and Rey took advantage of this, using both of her hands to push his head under the water. She expected him to resist, but he seemed strangely resigned to being held where he was. Rey was confused until she realized what he must be seeing underwater with his head so close to her body and abruptly released him. Ben rose to the surface slowly and when they faced each other once more, the expression in his eyes was new. He swam to the side of the pool to wash himself. Rey studied him as he ran his wet hands through his short inky black hair and scooped water over his powerful shoulders and torso. He was tall, muscular and beautifully made and he watched her the whole time she watched him.

“Come here,” Ben said in a low voice after he finished washing.

Rey swam over to join him. He took her hand and led her out of the pool, his eyes never leaving her face. When they stood in front of each other on the sand near the edge of the water, Rey was the first to break eye contact. She allowed her eyes to shift to Ben’s full mouth, and then down over the rest of his body. Though she’d never seen a naked man before, Rey knew that Ben desired her and she was not afraid. She sensed how they would fit together. When she met his eyes again, she nodded. Ben let his gaze wander slowly over Rey’s body. She was breathtaking, and that she stood here before him willingly seemed impossible. He moved his hand to her face and lowered his mouth to hers, tentatively tasting her bottom lip with his tongue. Rey opened her mouth to him, allowing Ben to deepen their kiss. It was the first real kiss for both of them, and they proceeded according to instinct alone, tongues teasing and stroking until they were both panting with need. Their potent connection had always made it possible for them to sense what the other felt and as they kissed urgently, their hands moved over each other’s bodies, finding the most sensitive and responsive places with unerring touches and caresses.

Trembling against each other, they lay down together on the beach. Ben gently turned Rey onto her back and began touching and kissing every part of her. He lingered on her breasts and between her legs until she was shaking and pleading and he couldn’t hold back any longer. He positioned himself on top of her and entered her carefully, gently pushing until they were completely joined. _This is as close as we can get,_ he thought. _The way it was meant to be_. Everything seemed to make sense to him now.

“I love you, Rey,” Ben said, propping himself up on his elbows and looking into her lovely grey eyes. "Body and soul."

“I love you, Ben.” Rey responded. "My body and soul are yours."

Ben shuddered with pleasure and started slowly moving inside her, covering Rey’s face and neck with kisses. She arched her body against his, meeting him thrust for thrust and using her hands on his lower back to pull him closer. They went on like this for a while, each completely absorbed in the other and utterly transfixed by the intensity of their physical union. When Rey began to moan softly and strain against him, Ben felt himself approaching some kind of pinnacle. His thrusts grew faster and rougher until he erupted inside of her with a sustained groan. As Ben lay on top of Rey, breathing deeply from the exertion and overwhelming sensations, he felt her spasming around him where he remained buried inside her.

“Are you ok?” he asked, “Did I hurt you?” He raised himself off of Rey’s body and peered down at her.

“No!” she laughed, putting her arms around him to draw him back down to her. “I’ve never felt anything like this before, but I can tell you with complete certainty that it isn’t pain.”

Ben smiled in relief. “So, you didn’t know about it?” he asked tentatively.

“Know about what?”

“What we’ve just done,” he clarified.

“Only in theory,” she answered. “Did you?”

“Only in theory,” he echoed. “Wasn’t something they went into detail about during my training.”

“It wasn’t covered in my training either,” she said. “So if we’re both complete novices, how do you think we managed so well?”

“Mmm,” Ben murmured into Rey's neck. “Because it was always supposed to be like this for us.” He kissed her mouth thoroughly and then playfully nipped her earlobe. “We could have saved so much time and trouble if we’d skipped right to this part.”

“Hmm,” Rey responded, not yet ready to dismiss the years of conflict, rage, violence and loss that had characterized their relationship until now. “Well, we may have to stay like this forever since our clothes are ruined,” she observed.

“I have no objections to that plan,” Ben said, completely content for the time being. Their past haunted him as well. But he knew that during all those years of darkness, he’d always loved Rey. And that love was the thing that allowed him to free himself from the fear that fed his anger and hatred. He rolled himself off of her body, explaining, “I don’t want to crush you.”

“You weren’t crushing me,” Rey complained. “You were keeping me warm.” She climbed on top of him, straddling his torso with her legs. “It does seem strange,” she noted staring down at him, “that during all of our battles, we never thought to do this instead.”

“Maybe you didn’t. But I did,” Ben professed. “There were so many times we fought when I looked at your face and you were so brave and so beautiful that it took all I had to keep battling you instead of pulling you close to me.”

“Maybe that’s why you fought so hard,” Rey observed. “Though, I do recall a time in the desert when you had me cornered. You could have killed me then, but you hesitated.”

“Yes. I remember that vividly,” Ben agreed. “I wanted you so badly. But I didn’t understand myself then. All I knew was that the thought of killing you was unbearable. I had to make you join me, merge with me. I believed it was about your power. But it was really about this,” he said as he cupped her face with his palm and stared at her, besotted.

“I’ve always thought you were beautiful,” Rey confessed. “Even when I hated you, I was angry that you were so beautiful. Your eyes, your mouth, the way you move. You’re so graceful and sure. It seemed like such a waste. I guess that was my way of wanting you when we were enemies.”

“My mouth is beautiful?” he said doubtfully.

“Yes,” Rey replied, giggling at his reaction. “And now I’m going to kiss it.”

She leaned down and Ben put his arms around her, pulling her towards him. Their kiss was slow and deep. As they explored each other’s mouths, their need to be even closer increased. When Rey felt Ben’s rigid length jumping against her thigh, she positioned herself so that he could enter her easily. They moved together for a long time until their gentle rocking culminated in a powerful release for both of them. Now truly exhausted, Rey lay down next to Ben and he held her in his arms. They fell into deep sleep, nestled against each other. The forest seemed to close in around them, the branches of the trees bowing lower to provide a protective canopy for the sleeping couple.


	3. You Can Never Go Home Again

They’d been hiking through the forest for an hour since dawn, making widening loops around the pool. Both were hungry and shivering. Their scraps of dirty clothing were inadequate shields against the cold early morning air.

“I know it’s nearby,” Ben said. “My parents built it close to the pool.”

“And there’s food?” Rey asked, touching her stomach.

“Yes,” Ben answered. “Food and clean clothes and soft beds.”

“Good,” Rey said. “I’m starving. I don’t remember the last time I ate.”

“You can’t survive on love alone?” Ben teased.

“Ask me again when I have some food in my belly.”

After twenty more minutes of walking, Ben spotted a path and exclaimed triumphantly. “We’ve found it!”

“Thank goodness,” Rey sighed.

Ben took her hand and led her down the path to another clearing in the forest. The trees had been cut to make room for a small cabin of greenish wood which was surrounded by a garden to the sides and the back. Exotic fruits and vegetables dominated the garden, growing in untamed profusion. The sight of them made Rey’s mouth water. Ben stooped down towards a patch of what looked like blue potatoes. He gathered a bunch of them and placed one in Rey’s hand.

“Try this,” he instructed. “My father grew them because they’re my favorites.”

Rey brought the strange fruit to her mouth and found its skin was crisp and easy to tear with her teeth. Inside, the flesh was soft and the taste of it was both savory and sweet. It was delicious and she finished the whole thing in three bites. Ben smiled at her and immediately put another one in her hand.

“What are these called?” she asked with her mouth full of fruit.

“Blues,” Ben said, popping a small one into his mouth while he squatted to pick more.

“Blues?” Rey repeated with an eyebrow raised. “You made that up.”

“No, I didn’t,” Ben said, standing with an armful of the food in question. Then his face split into a huge smile. “Yes, I did. The truth is that their real name is unpronounceable, or at least it was for a six-year-old. So I called them blues.” Rey plucked another fruit from his arms.

“Blues. Huh. Very creative,” she said as she scrutinized the fruit.

“I was six.”

“Blues.” Rey shook her head and took a bite.

“Ok, ok,” Ben said, walking towards the door of the cabin. “I’ll let you name our children.”

Rey nearly choked on the large piece of fruit in her mouth. “Children?” she whispered, following Ben into the cabin.

Ben smiled to himself. He was intentionally teasing Rey, though in reality he was already starting to map our their life together. She was the only family he had now.

“I think there’s some kind of porridge in the kitchen,” he said as he put the fruit on an ornately crafted stone table in the living area.

Rey looked around the small but handsomely furnished space. “The things in here are so beautiful,” she observed. “I wouldn’t expect to see them in a cabin in the middle of the woods.”

“Most of this stuff is wedding presents. My parents didn’t really have another place to put their things. We didn’t stay in one place too long when I was little.” Ben searched cupboards and drawers looking for food, cookware and eating utensils. Locating what he wanted, he poured some white oat-like substance into a cast iron pot and filled it with water from a pump in a large sink. “Well water,” he explained.

“Let me help you with that,” Rey offered.

“Not necessary,” Ben said. “Just sit down at that ridiculous table and I’ll have a warm bowl of this stuff for you in a few minutes.” He moved to a fireplace in a wall behind the table and used flint from the mantel to light the wood that was already stacked there. “My mother taught me how to chop wood,” Ben said. “Her philosophy was that you could never have enough of it. You should see the pile outside. Drove my father crazy because he loved the trees.” Ben brought the pot and a large wooden spoon over to the fire and held the pot over the heat, stirring its contents with the spoon.

Rey chose to ignore Ben’s suggestion in favor of stretching out on a rug to the side of the fireplace to warm herself and watch Ben prepare their breakfast. The heat felt wonderful on her bare skin and she thought she could fall asleep right there if not for the hunger pains that still gripped her despite all the fruit she’d eaten. She was highly entertained watching the completely unfamiliar spectacle of Ben cooking. She was also more than a little appreciative of the muscles in his back, shoulders and arms whenever he shifted the heavy pot. Rey had an urge to run her hands and mouth over his body and to feel him inside her again. Parts of her she’d never paid much attention to before started to throb and she was amazed at her body’s warring instincts for food, sleep and Ben. She wondered if it was like this for him too.

“Food is ready,” Ben said. “I’m just going to sweeten it a little and then we can eat.” He set the pot on the table and walked into the kitchen to procure some pinkish syrup in a glass container. He brought the syrup and two metal spoons to the table and set them down by the pot. Rey roused herself to join him at the table and watched Ben pour syrup directly into the bowl in a pretty swirling pattern on top of the porridge. “Dig in,” he told Rey.


	4. Healthy Appetites

Rey ate ravenously, her entire focus on the hot flavorful food. After the pot had been completely emptied and she felt pleasantly full and drowsy, Rey pushed herself away from the table. “Show me the rest of this place,” she said.

Ben remained where he was, as if frozen to his chair.

“What is it?” Rey asked.

“Nothing,” Ben said, sounding stricken.

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked again with growing alarm. “Are you sick?”

“No,” Ben insisted, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” Rey challenged. "You look paralyzed."

Ben observed that Rey's concern for him was genuine and he sighed with frustration. “If you must know, I’m ashamed to stand up.”

“Ashamed of what?”

“Of this,” he said, standing.

Rey stared at him perplexed and then started to visually inspect him from the top down. Somewhere in the middle of her very brief investigation, she realized what the trouble was. Ben was aroused. Very aroused. Rey looked at his face and started to giggle. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You have no reason to be ashamed. You just surprised me.”

“Yes, well…” Ben stammered. “Apparently, it’s not something I can control around you. And watching you eat…” he broke off.

Rey looked extremely confused. “Seeing me shoveling food into my face like an animal is appealing to you?”

“You’re not at all like an animal,” Ben protested. “It’s something about your lips and your mouth and seeing you put things into it…” he broke off again, feeling truly humiliated.

Ben avoided Rey’s eyes when she tried to look at him. She moved towards him and placed her hand on his forearm. “When I was watching you make our breakfast, I couldn’t decide if I should rip your clothes off or let you finish because I was so hungry. For food,” Rey clarified.

Ben’s expression brightened and he took Rey by the arm. “Do you want to see the bedroom?” he asked, leading her into a small room with a large bed. The bed was covered with a multicolored patchwork quilt that looked soft and warm.

“Cave, water, cooking, eating,” Ben listed as they stood in the middle of the room and removed each other’s clothing. Rey admired the growing evidence of Ben's attraction to her.

“Hmm,” Rey responded. “You just gave me an idea.”

“What is it?” he asked.

“Lie down on the bed and let me show you,” she commanded.

Ben obliged and Rey lay down beside him. She bent over him to kiss his forehead, nose, cheeks, chin and finally his mouth. She gave him a long, lingering kiss and he responded by wrapping his arms around her to pull her down on top of him. But Rey had other plans and disengaged herself from Ben’s arms to move her mouth to his neck. She kissed and nibbled the delicate skin under his ear and Ben moaned softly in response. Rey’s mouth made slow progress down the rest of his body, kissing and biting as she went. Ben gritted his teeth and fisted his hands in the quilt when Rey reached the most sensitive part of him, her lips poised directly over the tip of it.

“Do you want to watch me put you into my mouth?” she asked guilelessly, looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes.

Ben was shaking and panting, seemingly incapable of speech.

“I’ll assume that means yes,” Rey said and then wrapped her lips around him, letting her instincts guide her.

Ben groaned loudly, propping himself up on his elbows so he could see everything she was doing. He lasted only a minute or so before he came, yelling Rey’s name and convulsing in her mouth. She waited a few moments, then released him gently and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“I’m sorry if I made a mess,” Ben said when he was able to speak again.

Rey lay down next to him and said, “Nothing to be sorry for. It’s just what our bodies do.”

“I can’t even begin to describe what that felt like,” Ben said.

“Better than watching me eat porridge?” she asked.

“Well, it was a close second at least,” Ben teased.

Rey started pummeling him lightly in the chest and Ben took that opportunity to grab her wrists and deftly flip her onto her back. Before she could protest, his mouth was at her breasts, kissing and suckling until the pulsing between Rey’s legs became overwhelming and she started to writhe on the bed. Ben shifted his body lower and put his mouth directly on the source of her pulsing. He kissed and licked and sucked until she cried out, bucking her hips off of the mattress. Ben kept his mouth on her until he felt Rey’s spasms ebb into gentle tremors. Then, he moved his body directly on top of hers and held himself right at her entrance. Ben asked a question with his eyes, received Rey’s silent consent and plunged into her. He went slow and deep, pacing himself so that they reached their climax together. She fell asleep with him inside her and as he felt the gentle thrum of her heart against his chest, he wished he could stay there forever.

***

“What if they refuse to accept me?” he asked when she mentioned the idea of leaving the planet to find the Resistance base camp. “Most want to see me dead. Many of them will want to rip me to pieces with their bare hands. And I don’t blame them for it.”

“It would destroy me to be separated from you,” Rey said fiercely. “If they want me to rejoin them, then they’ll have to welcome you too.”

“And what if they don’t?” Ben was strongly affected by Rey’s words, but still felt terrified at the prospect of losing her to her allies, friends, people she considered family. He’d sought to exterminate them all and could not expect their forgiveness now. They would remind her of what a monster he was – someone beyond redemption.

“Then we’ll go,” Rey said. “We can live here. We can live anywhere. Nothing matters to me more than you,” she insisted. “The battle is won. And we would have lost, my friends and I would all be dead if not for you,” she reminded him. “We’ll live for ourselves and each other now. Besides...” she added mischievously, “if it’s just the two of us, we can be naked all of the time.”

“So, why are we leaving?” Ben asked, grinning as he leaned down to kiss her.

“Because,” Rey said laughing and batting him away. “I owe it to my friends to let them know I’m alive. Ben, they believe in redemption,” she said, as if reading his mind. “Every one of them has struggled with their own darkness and knows it’s possible to come out on the other side. Didn’t I tell you that my best friend, Finn was a Stormtrooper?”

“No,” Ben responded, grabbing Rey by the hips and pulling her close. “But remind me to fire him when we meet.” Rey burst into fit of giggles which gave Ben the opportunity to to pull her down onto the ground, effectively ending the fraught conversation. They spent the next few hours naked in the grass, engaged in activities they both found more enjoyable.


	5. A Happy Reunion?

As Finn watched Rey’s familiar figure descend from the enemy craft, he launched himself into a flat run towards her, only to be brought up short by the sight of a male following right behind her. Rey reached back towards her companion and took his hand before scanning the crowd. Many people who saw Rey probably wondered about the identity of the tall young man with her. Upon closer inspection, they might have noticed a slight resemblance in his features to some they had known and loved well. Finn, however, recognized Kylo Ren immediately. Seeing them together like this, he was struck by the realization that Kylo Ren was dead, defeated by Ben Solo. While he absorbed this insight, Finn finally allowed himself to acknowledge that his love for Rey would never be requited. Though wary and concerned for Ben, Rey looked content and self-possessed in a way he hadn't seen before. And while Ben glowed with vitality and enormous power, Finn knew without a doubt that he would not, could not survive without the girl they both loved. Finn had suspected this for a long time. It was the expression in Ben’s eyes whenever he looked at Rey -- a mix of raw hunger and childlike wonder -- and the way he noticed nothing and no one except her when she was near. Under the extraordinary circumstances, however, Finn had been convinced that Ben’s depthless longing for Rey would come to nothing but their mutual destruction.

Finn could not begrudge the young man who'd once been the Supreme Leader of the First Order the achievement of an almost unthinkable outcome. And he discerned from his current assessment of Ben that his feelings towards Rey had morphed from the desire to dominate and assimilate her to tender and absolute devotion. As much as Finn loved Rey, he was aware he could make a life without her. He also sensed there were parts of her that were completely unfathomable to him, like her intense connection with this young man who had almost wrecked the universe in his confusion and pain. Though Finn’s heart broke, he knew in this moment that Rey was not his life’s breath. What Finn did not know, though he had surmised so much so quickly, was that just as he watched Rey and Ben, Rose watched him, her heart aching in sympathy with his.

“Rey!” someone yelled, “You’re back!”

Finn saw multiple heads turn in Rey’s direction. Rey walked towards the crowd hand-in-hand with Ben. Then she spotted Finn. A wide smile spread over her face and Finn felt his breath catch. _Damn, Rey_ , he thought. _You’ve never had any idea of how you affect me_. He’d tried to tell her so many times and now wondered if the reason he kept failing was that a part of him knew she was not meant for him. Rey rushed toward Finn, pulling Ben with her. She embraced Finn in an enthusiastic one-armed hug and then stepped back, beaming at him.

“You always did know how to make an entrance, Rey" Finn said, returning her smile. "It’s so good to see you!” Then he looked at Ben and nodded.

Ben nodded in return and said, “I’m glad to see you’re safe, Finn. I know how important you are to Rey, and how much you’ve helped her. I’m forever in your debt.”

Despite himself, Finn was moved by Ben’s sincerity. His response was more generous than he intended. “Ben, I’m well aware that without you and the sacrifices you made, none of us would be standing here.” Then he looked directly at Rey. “And I’ll make sure everyone knows that.”

Rey took Finn’s hand as her eyes welled up. “Thank you, Finn. I told Ben you’re the best of us.”

“Well, now,” Finn said, embarrassed.

Rey sensed Finn wanted to change the subject and asked, "Where is Poe?"

“He's off-planet organizing with allies who never made it here," Finn responded. "But I know at least a few hundred people who are here right now and will be mowing me down any second to get to you.”

Rey looked at Ben anxiously. “Is there any place where we could go that’s less crowded? Seeing everyone at once could be difficult.”

“It’s alright, Rey,” Ben said gamely. “After everything that’s happened, your friends have a right to know you’re alive.”

It was not lost on Rey that Ben was repeating her words back to her. As she had this thought, a torrent of people started rushing towards her, each wanting to touch her, talk to her, give her their news and reassure themselves that she was intact. Ben gently took his hand from hers and moved off to one side to make room for Rey’s friends and well-wishers. Finn noticed this and followed Ben. For Rey, Finn would cast himself as Ben’s protector. He would guard Ben from any attacks by those who recognized who he had been, all that he’d taken from them and the countless deaths for which he was responsible.

“I meant what I said about owing you, Finn.” Ben asserted solemnly, looking him directly in the eyes. “And I know you’re the far worthier man.” Ben dropped his head, “I don’t deserve her.”

Finn was stunned into silence for a moment. How was it possible that the only person who’d ever realized what he felt for Rey was this man, someone he barely knew, his unacknowledged rival? Finn was sure that in all these years, Ben had never even registered his existence. But he was wrong. Finn swallowed some of his shock to respond to Ben’s pronouncement.

“Worthy or not, you’re the man she’s chosen,” Finn acknowledged. “And you best believe that I will be watching you from now until the end of time to make sure that you do everything in your power to try to deserve her.”

Ben looked up at Finn again and responded with no small measure of respect and gratitude, “I’d expect nothing less from you, Finn.”

“Ok, enough of the small talk,” Finn said sardonically. “Let me show you around and get us something to drink.”


	6. Male Bonding

After many hours spent catching up with what seemed like every creature she’d ever know in her life, Rey went off in search of Ben and Finn. Night had fallen and cloud cover obscured the moons and stars. It was very dark. She walked the entire perimeter of the camp at least three times before she finally heard Ben’s voice coming from the direction of a large tent. He sounded strange. Anxious for his safety, Rey rushed towards the entrance to the tent and located Ben and Finn seated on a bench at a large table surrounded by a sizable crowd. According to Rey’s limited knowledge of the subject, everyone appeared to be very drunk. Ben was loudly holding forth about the proper way to ferment something called carrow pods and the others urged him on, matching his enthusiasm and volume. Every few seconds or so, they all stopped talking to toast each other and take large gulps of whatever mysterious brew the cups contained. Rey was equal parts amazement and relief. She squeezed herself in between Ben and Finn and addressed the latter who seemed slightly less inebriated.

“Is there something to eat?”

“Sure,” Finn said, rising from the table somewhat unsteadily. He walked away in the careful, deliberate manner common to most extremely intoxicated people and Rey turned to look at Ben.

“Hi!” Ben shouted at her, a huge goofy smile on his face.

“Hi,” Rey replied. She couldn’t help smiling back at him.

“You’re so pretty,” he slurred. “Isn’t she pretty?” he asked of the assorted beings sitting closest to him.

“Gorgeous,” a blue-skinned one-eyed female agreed enthusiastically, spitting droplets of liquor over an impressively large area.

“I’ve had some drinks,” Ben whispered loudly to Rey.

“I see that,” Rey observed wryly.

Ben was quiet for a few moments as he took stock of his current status. “I feel good,” he said earnestly.

“I’m glad,” Rey replied, suppressing her laughter.

“You’re really pretty,” Ben said.

“I think we’ve already covered this,” Rey responded patiently.

“Marry me,” Ben said.

“Maybe tomorrow,” Rey answered.

“Can I hold your hand?” Ben requested.

“Yes,” Rey answered. “But let’s limit it to that, please.”

Ben nodded emphatically and took her hand, stroking it softly with his thumb.

Finn returned to the table with two bowls of soup, some bread and a large cup of water for Ben. “You better get some food into you, Ben. And drink the water. You’ll be thankful come morning.”

Ben obediently dunked his bread in the soup and began eating. Rey followed suit.

“I told him to take it easy…” Finn started.

“It’s fine. I’m just grateful that you’ve been looking after him all this time.”

“He’s not so bad, I guess,” Finn said as he watched Ben eat his soup in silence, one hand still wrapped around Rey’s. “As long as he makes good on his promise to brew up some carrow juice tomorrow.”

“I don’t even want to know,” Rey warned. “Is there somewhere we can go to get some rest?” she asked after she finished drinking her soup.

“Yes,” Finn said. “You can have a whole tent to yourselves. Some of us are on night guard duty.”

“Still?” Rey asked, surprised.

“Sure,” Finn said. “The big bad dude might be gone, but you never know if some of Palpatine's leftover minions are still lurking around.”

“That’s true,” Rey agreed. “They probably wouldn’t want to face Ben though.”

“They wouldn’t want to face the two of you," Finn asserted. "I’ve seen you fight against each other, but never on the same side. I can’t even imagine what that looks like.”

“I don’t remember a lot of it,” Rey said. “It’s all a bit blurred. I know I died a few times.”

“What?” Finn shouted, startling Ben who was starting to nod off.

Rey rubbed Ben’s hand with both of hers to reassure him. “Yes. Ben brought me back. He sacrificed himself for me. More than once.”

Finn looked at Ben, considering. “I can’t say I’m surprised to hear that. I don't think there's anything he wouldn't do for you.”

Rey stood from the table and said, “Well, all I want him to do for me right now is follow me to that tent so we can get some rest.” She yanked gently on Ben’s hand, rousing him from a shallow sleep.

“I'll lead the way,” Finn said.

As promised, Rey and Ben were given a small empty tent furnished only with a tiny metal table and two cots. Rey directed Ben to lie down on one of the cots and helped him take off his boots, pants and shirt until he was dressed only in shorts. Rey removed her own clothes and donned a soft white nightgown that she’d found in Han and Leia's cabin. She thought of them with fondness and deep regret, wishing she’d had the chance to say a final goodbye. Then she moved the other cot over next to Ben’s and lay down, partially covering them with a rough woolen blanket. There was an oil lamp on the table that Rey chose to keep lit. Though she was exhausted, her mind couldn’t stop racing and she ruminated about all that occurred over the past few days. Things had gone better than anticipated between Finn and Ben. But she knew well enough not to assume that one night of drunken bonding would erase years of righteous rage towards the young man sleeping next to her. He’d run with the Devil and would have the Devil to pay before people were ready to forgive him. She hoped he would be able to handle it. He’d been through so much already.

A powerful wave of tenderness washed over her, and she softly caressed Ben’s face. He was truly beautiful and looked much younger in sleep, as people often do. She watched him for a while, admiring his long dark eyelashes and soft full lips. Her hand followed her eyes as they trailed from Ben’s face to his chest. She traced the contours of his upper chest and eventually made her way down to his stomach. Enjoying the feel of his abdominal muscles, Rey let her fingers move lower to the indent in his hips right at the top of his shorts. Ben shifted a little and started to become aroused, tenting the fabric of the shorts as he hardened. He remained asleep and Rey was unsure of what to do next. Giving in to her desire to touch him, she reasoned that Ben was too far gone to notice anything she did. Rey gently lifted the waistband of his shorts and used her fingers to stroke Ben’s erection on the velvety part right below the tip. She loved the soft skin there. Then she felt Ben sit up. She looked up to see him watching her and quickly pulled her hand from his shorts.

“I’m so sorry,” she sputtered with shame. “I didn't intend to molest you in your sleep.” When Ben didn’t respond, Rey continued, “I thought you were completely exhausted from our trip and all the drinking that it wouldn’t wake you and …” Rey trailed off, out of excuses and mortified at being caught.

“Never underestimate your power over me,” Ben said, taking Rey’s hand and putting it back where had it just been. “Or my stamina.” With that, Ben reached over and pulled Rey on top of him.

Surprised but pleased at the turn of events, Rey straddled Ben and leaned over to kiss him. Ben caught her bottom lip in his teeth and moved his hands to her hips, guiding her back and forth over his erection. Rey bit Ben back and sucked his tongue into her mouth. Ben moved one hand to the back of her head to hold her in place. Their kissing was frenzied and they quickly helped each other remove all the clothing that separated skin from skin. Once naked, Rey took hold of Ben who was harder than he’d ever been and put him inside her. He groaned loudly and she clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Shh. We have to be quiet.”

Ben’s response was to move his hips in a way that he knew Rey really liked. When she started to moan, he took some satisfaction in putting his hand over her mouth. Unwilling to yield, Rey bit one of Ben’s fingers. He yelped in protest. Then she sat up and started to rotate her own hips to increase the friction against her most sensitive places. Ben found the sight of Rey pleasuring herself with his body almost painfully arousing. He stopped moving and relinquished total control to her. Rey arched her back and Ben put both of his hands on her breasts, thumbing and pinching her nipples while Rey ground herself against him. Ben knew he was close and watching Rey come undone would be more than enough to take him over the edge. When he felt her start to spasm around him, Ben let himself follow her into the sweet oblivion.

***

“Well, you’re a good sport,” Rey said when she felt like speaking again. “I don’t think you’ve ever been quite that enthusiastic.”

“Because you started it.” Ben replied.

“I know. I am fully to blame,” Rey conceded guiltily.

“No,” Ben said. “I mean that you seduced me while I was sleeping. You couldn’t stop yourself from touching me. You have no idea what effect that has on me.”

“I think I’m starting to have a vague inclination.”

“Oh Rey,” Ben sighed. “You really don’t.”

“Explain it to me then,” Rey said.

“I’m not sure that I can,” Ben replied. He paused briefly and then continued, “Rey, I’ve loved you my whole life.”

“That’s impossible,” she said. “You haven’t known me your whole life. You were born before me.”

“I told you I couldn’t explain it,” Ben said.

Rey gave Ben a soft kiss on his lips and touched her nose to his. “Ben, if you haven’t already worked this out, I want you. I love you. I’ll marry you and have ten children with you as long as you can figure out how to get pregnant so you can carry half of them.”

“That seems fair,” Ben murmured, settling himself on the cot. “Now, do you think you can keep your hands to yourself for a little while so I can get some sleep?”

“I’ll do my best, but I’m not making any promises.”


	7. Atonement

Rey opened her eyes the next morning to find Ben fully dressed and surprisingly alert. “Is it late?” she asked.

“No. It’s still pretty quiet around camp.”

“Why are you up so early?” she groaned, pulling the blanket over her face.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said.

“Uh oh,” Rey replied, uncovering her face.

“Nothing for you to be concerned about. I do it from time to time.”

Rey threw the blanket at him and then instantly regretted it when she realized she was wasn’t wearing anything. Ben grinned and put the blanket around his shoulders like a cape. “No way you’re getting this back now.”

“Fine," Rey said, grabbing her clothes from the floor of the tent. “If you’re dressed, I'll get dressed too.”

“I think clothing should be optional in your case.”

“So, I’ll just walk out of this tent and stroll around camp wearing nothing?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you 'stroll' anywhere,” Ben noted. “But come to think of it, there are children around so you should probably put something on while you stroll.”

***

“You look pretty good for a man who was deep in his cups last night,” Finn observed, joining them on the bench in the mess tent.

“Thanks. A full night’s sleep does wonders,” Ben replied innocently. Rey was grateful for his discretion.

“What’s on the agenda for today?” Finn asked them.

“I must atone for my sins,” Ben said.

Rey and Finn stared at him, nonplussed. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly,” Finn replied.

“I have to atone for my sins,” Ben repeated. “You and your friends welcomed me into your community with a generosity I haven’t earned. Everyone here is aware of the atrocities I’ve committed against you and yours. I have no right to be here, or to ask for your forgiveness.”

Finn started to object, but Ben interrupted him. “Finn, can you honestly say that you don’t think I should pay for my crimes? That I don’t deserve to burn for what I’ve done?”

“But you saved our hides in the end,” Finn countered quietly. “Without you and Rey, this rock we’re on would be dust.”

“And what of all of the years before that? Does one good deed erase everything that came before it?”

“I see your point, Ben. And I can’t deny that there isn’t a big part of me that doesn’t wish you’d met a very painful end,” Finn admitted.

Rey glared at Finn and was about to speak when Ben placed his hand on her arm. She held her tongue.

“I appreciate your honesty, Finn,” Ben responded. “And I’m quite sure that everyone else shares your feelings.”

“I don’t share his feelings,” Rey couldn’t resist saying.

“I know you don’t,” Ben said, giving her arm a gentle squeeze.

Finn was deeply uncomfortable with this conversation, torn between the familiar urge to protect Rey and resentment that she wanted him to defend a mass murderer from himself. “I’m not sure what to say, Ben. How do you even go about atoning for your sins?”

Ben had his answer ready. “I have an idea about that.”

***

Ben’s idea turned out to involve two weeks spent meeting with every willing person in the camp, one-by-one, to hear anything and everything they chose to communicate to him. He listened patiently as each person conveyed their rage and grief in whatever way they saw fit. Initially, people were confused and angered by what Ben intended to do and refused to talk with him. No one trusted him. Eventually, Finn felt compelled to set an example by going first. He didn’t expect to get much from the process and considered the whole thing an exercise in futility. However, Finn was quite surprised to discover that being alone with Ben as he sat in grave and respectful silence unleashed a torrent of emotions that he hadn’t been able to express before. He cried and screamed and shook his fists in Ben’s face as he recalled every comrade and loved one who’d died or been injured in the wars. He mourned all the losses he’d suffered, even those that Ben was not responsible for. In his fury, Finn came close to physically attacking Ben on many occasions. And through it all, Ben remained a stoic, compassionate witness to the full range of Finn’s feelings. Finn found Ben’s quiet presence more comforting than any words and when he finally finished saying all that he had to say, he felt a sense of peace and completion.

The community’s respect for Finn was such that others quickly agreed to follow in his footsteps. Not all of them showed Finn’s physical restraint, and Rey said nothing about the cuts and bruises that covered Ben’s face and body when he returned to their tent very late each night. She knew that Ben needed to do this, though it was painful for her to watch. After he’d met with every single adult in the camp and some of the children as well, Ben asked the group to gather outside one evening after dinner and directed them to stand in a large circle. Dressed in his Jedi training uniform, he placed himself in the middle of the circle and bowed deeply. Then he stood without speaking for a few moments, eyes closed and hands folded over his heart. No one in the crowd fully understood what he was doing, but they were willing to join him in this strange ceremony nonetheless. When Ben opened his eyes, they were filled with tears.

“I’ve asked you here to bear witness as I atone for my sins against myself,” he said. “I murdered my own father and mother.”

People looked around at each other and started to murmur, shocked by his confession.

Ben held up his hands in a request for silence. “I’ve heard from many of you about how much you loved Leia and Han and how their deaths impacted you. There’s no way I can repay your loss. I share in your grief because they were my parents and I loved them too.” Ben took a deep breath before continuing. “As many of you know, my father died at my hands. I struck him down in cold blood, like a coward, without a shred of honor or respect for the man who gave me everything.” Tears streamed down Ben’s cheeks as he spoke. “He did nothing to defend himself. There was only love in his eyes when I dealt him the killing blow.” Ben sobbed quietly for a few moments and several members of the circle reached out to him, as if to provide comfort. “My mother died for me,” he said when he was capable of talking again. “She died to give me the strength to defeat the darkness inside me so I could fight in the light, beside the one I love.” Ben looked towards Rey and her eyes were wet with grief and pride for his suffering and his courage. “My weakness made my mother’s sacrifice necessary. I bear sole responsibility for her death.”

Ben stopped speaking and remained in the middle of the circle. He stood there alone for a long time, crying softly. A young girl was the first to approach him. She walked over to him and placed her hand on his forearm. An older man followed her and put his hand on Ben’s shoulder. Others joined them and soon the wide circle transformed itself into a smaller ring of people closely surrounding Ben. They offered their support to a man they’d considered a monster only days or hours before. Rey hung back, sensing this communion was not for her. She waited until Ben held up his hands again and thanked everyone for allowing him to atone. Then he walked towards Rey and fell to his knees before her.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, bowing his to head her, the person he’d betrayed the most.

“I know, my love,” Rey whispered, lifting his face with her hands. “It’s time to get off your knees now.”

***

When Rey rose the next morning, Ben wasn’t there. He’d explained that the last part of his atonement ritual was to spend seven days and seven nights by himself in the woods surrounding the camp without food or sleep. Rey knew Ben was better prepared than almost anyone to survive this hardship, but she couldn’t sleep or eat or settle while he was gone. Finn did everything he could think of to distract her, but on the third day he gave up.

“Ben didn’t intend for you to suffer the same punishment he’s inflicting on himself, Rey,” he said with exasperation.

“It’s not something I’m choosing to do, Finn,” she replied.

But as worried as Rey was about Ben, she didn’t want to cause Finn more distress. He’d been a better friend to her and Ben than she had dared to hope for, and she resolved to force herself to eat and drink a little over the next several days to reassure him. Despite her preoccupation with Ben’s well-being, Rey managed to notice a pretty young woman with dark almond eyes and silky black hair whose gaze followed Finn wherever he went. Rey asked around camp to learn that the woman’s name was Rose, she was the best mechanic in the company, unbeatable at chess and had a reputation as a fiercely loyal friend who could drink almost anyone under the table. Most importantly, Rose clearly had excellent taste in men. Rey often wondered why her heroic, brilliant, gorgeous best friend was alone. Finn seemed completely oblivious to Rose’s feelings for him, but Rey had an inkling that he might be persuaded to think about Rose if he knew that Rose was thinking of him. Rey desperately wanted to repay at least some of what she owed Finn by seeing him happily matched with someone as appealing as Rose. Plotting a strategy to ensure that Finn found his way to Rose comforted her as she waited for Ben.

***

When Ben returned to the tent in the early hours of the eighth day, he found Rey pacing back and forth, her face gaunt and ghostly pale. Black circles ringed her eyes and judging from their expression as she regarded him, he thought he must look worse than she did. They embraced without speaking and collapsed together on the cot, fully dressed. It was still dark when Ben opened his eyes, but he sensed that many hours had elapsed. The only light in the tent came from the oil lamp on the table, next to which was a tray filled with bread, fruit and some kind of cured meat. Rey was still sleeping, curled into a ball on her side. He kissed her temple and she stirred and stretched, rolling onto her back.

“Good morning, stranger,” she said to him.

“Hello, you,” Ben replied, gently brushing some hair from her face. “Don’t think it’s morning though. I’m not sure how long we’ve been sleeping.”

“Are you ok?” Rey asked. “Is that food I smell?”

Ben chuckled. “Yes and yes.”

He got up from the cot and walked to the table to retrieve the tray. They sat together on the floor, eating as much as their shrunken stomachs would allow. There was a canteen of fresh cold water that they passed back and forth between them. Once they’d had their fill, Rey returned the tray and canteen to the table, moved towards the cot and started to take her clothes off. Ben watched her silently until she was completely naked. Then he removed his own clothes and stood to join her. Rey pulled Ben down to the floor where they made love until dawn, reacquainting themselves with the touch, feel and taste of the other.


End file.
